Yes...I marry Shrek and I love him...Any problem with it ?!?

     Some people said that my husband really lucky man cos he could marry me, as they know that I don't complain too much, doesn't love to arguing a lot, and bla..bla..bla...( well, it what many friends told me about me ) and some people were just pity me cos they think my husband not really good for me...I don't know how they judged us...
But,do they ever walk in my shoes, so they know how I feel ?

     Really, I'm happy with him and I think I'm so lucky to marry him...Yes,he is not as rich as Bill Gates, or he is not as handsome as Adam Levine or He is not as popular as Michael Buble...But what the fuck with all that man ?!? I don't care.....!!! If he is not Kent,so then I also not a Barbie....Let just say that we are only Shrek couple...
If you ever watch Shrek and you must be know how nice and kind he is...He is not handsome, also not rich..But he could make Fiona in love with him...and well all we know too Fiona isn't very beautiful too...
But why Fiona could in love to Shrek ? We know that Shrek could do anything for Fiona...
And that what happen to me and Hans...He could do anything to make me happy and it not always about the money....

       Sorry friends,maybe you are right that I'm too dumb to not leaving him,but have you ever step on his shoes too ? Do you ever feel how hard to accepted the fact that the women you love is not totally in love with you ? Do you know how it hard to make all the women dream comes true ? Do you know how suck it is when the women always controlling you as if as she is better then you ?
Have you ever feel all that kind of situation ? Will you stand with it or you just run ?

        Yeah...that's all me, friends...The one you always think good and He is not...but the fact...It all the opposite from what you've been thinking...
It not him who lucky to have me, but me who is very lucky to have him cos I know really sure if it happen to me, I would love to leave that kind of women...But you see...Hans still stand behind me, never tired to giving me all his love, he even giving all his world...He gave everything that anyone could never give to me....And I do really appreciate for what he has done..
And believe me money isn't my priority.....I do really satisfied for what I've got now...Though I still can't bought the nice and expensive jewelery or we still don't have big car,but believe me...I'm satisfied enough...

    Please friends,just stop to said that Hans really lucky to have me,cos I know my self..I wasn't good enough like what you think...You can ask to my ex boyfriend that I ever date...For sure that they gonna feel lucky to broke up with me....Really....
What you all saying all the time, really wasn't nice for him....He not complained at all..Even he just say the same as you said,that he lucky to marry me...
 But I feel really not nice...cos I know I'm not that really good...
So please...Let me feel so lucky to have Him...cos I know him better then you...I feel how nice he is by my self...

   Sorry to wrote everything I feel..cos I can't tell you one by one...You could know what I'm feeling by read this blog...And if you think I'm angry..Yes,Iam..I will not let anyone talking bad about my husband...I choose him to accompany me for whole life...For good and bad situation..I'll be with him...
So once again, I tell you that I'm not a barbie,so I have no right to choose Kent...I prepare to choose Shrek,cos I'm Fiona...Thanks....

KIDS SEXUAL ABUSE PROTECTION' RHYME

I've just read the very heart breaking news on internet. It about 5 years old boy who get sexual abuse at his school by the cleaning service, and it happen when the class still run.
"M" the boy just asked the permit to the teacher to go to toilet,and he went by him self...In the toilet,there is one young women which it the cleaning service told him that he has to get the punishment because "M" just pee on not appropriate place,and it make the toilet dirty...So,the women just remove "M' pants and hit him,after that the women asked "M" to stayed in the toilet with another man, and the man do the sexual abuse to "M"
The sexual abuse just continues,not only one time,but many times...Not only one person,but "M" said 5 person,including the women who removed his pant and hit him. Until "M" 's mother found a blue spot on "M"'s body...She asked..."what happen?" "M" said he just get bump with the table...But "M"'s mother not really sure for what his son told her...She asked more, why M wear the changing uniform from the school many times, and M said it because he was pee in the class,so M's mother continues asked, why M not goes to the toilet and M's mother get really really super shock answer from M...
M said, I don't want to go toilet mummy,cos there are bad and scary person...And M tell everything about what he has passed...

I can't imagine how she felt, but as a mother I just very sure that she was breaking because even I just really get heart breaking when I read the news, even hurt then when my ex boy friend leave me ...I don't know who is M, I don't know his parents....I even has no connection with them! Only as a mother, as parents from the child who connect us.
I could not imagine if what M has passed also happen to my daughter, I think I could crazy but as a parents we have to be strong cos our child need us to be with them....
Nothing I could do about this,only angry, and sad in my heart...Really I'm broken....

What M and any other M in the world has passed, makes me think to educate my daughter about to protect her self from the sexual abuse...Because I never always be with her every time...
So I just start to make a rhyme and read it with her everyday... And I just make list who are the person who allow to touch her...Well,maybe it not much but at least I try to prevent my daughter from the predator.

Here is the example rhyme that I always read with my daughter :

This is my body and I love it
Not everybody can touch it
Only the people on my Mummy list
Even Daddy can not touch it
So go away cos you're not on her list
If you still stay I'll tell the police


Well,maybe it not much but I just try to educate my daughter about it...The earlier she knew it, I think it really much better.

Well,for all the parents in the world...beware for the predator who always try to gobble our child, do very good communication with them, pay a lot of attention to the them though you are really busy...Just give them some understanding about the sexual education, just explain about it with the children way...

We not only the biological parents, we also their best friend, so they can share everything  with us...Make them feel really safe when they talk with us....
Well...I'm not a psychog or the best mum in the world, I even never know what will happen with my daughter,but as a mother I'll do everything to protect her cos she is the best part of my live...

The Reason

I choose him, not because I love him...
I choose him,because you leave me..You leave me here alone...
So then I choose him.....

Since you cheated on me, the world just gonna be over
I try to forget you by choosing him....Trying to forget how you hurt me...

Does it fair for me or does it fair enough for him ?
He is the one who always loving me with his sincerity and all his heart...
Does it a sin for me cos I never love him back ???
Cos you take all my true love and I lost it now...

By choosing him, I try to forget you....Forget everything you've been done
That is why I choose him....

Fallin in Love

Just woke up this morning with strange feeling...I don't know what it is...Something like I'm in love again but the silly thing is I don't know who I'd in love with...hahaha...

Smiling when I'm looked in to the mirror, put a little make up, choose a nice dressed and shoes and also bag...Just get ready to send my baby to the learning center for the baby...
People just said "hi" and smile and they told me so pretty today...well...as a human off course I'm so proud of it...Just lie if i said I don't proud of it...

When at home I just open my tab, and I see someone text me..oooh,it not one, also not two but also not three...well,fine..it four....
Text 1 : "where are you,I try to call you ?"
Text 2 : "Good morning, can't stop  thinking of you !!!"
Text 3: "I dreamed about you last night !"
Text 4 : "I'm in Paris now, what should I buy for you,babe ?"

Pppppfffffffff...I just smile and throw my tab to the bed without replied any text....
I just tell my self  " what the F**K with all of you guys...I don't care"

Think it just like I'm the very arrogant women...Well I don't care, I just won't let anyone ruin my life again...
And I just wanna enjoying all the praise they give cos I know it only persuasion that gonna be landed on bed...
No..no..no boys, never think of it cos then it won't happen....You may flatter me, but never think your dream come true...All your beautiful rhyme, and the expensive price would never broke my walls...

Well...Now I think I know who I'm in love with....;) 
Think I'm in love with my self....hahahahaha....

Letter For Tim

Hi Tim,
I'm in Indonesia now,but have to back to that cold country next month...Let's do some fun before I'm leaving...
Shall we go to Oj's and have some beer and teasing the boys ? or shall we go to the club and dance while we get sober ?
Or will you accompany me to buy some stuff I needed when I'm in Holland ?
I know that you are the expert in shop....
Tim...really I miss you

Tim....I want to call your name as much as I can call you....
Do you know that I miss you ? Did you miss me too?
Tim...I miss the time when you bullying me or I bullying you...
I promise that I won't angry at all when you called me B***H
I even promise you that I wont never ever yelling at you when I'm angry....I'm gonna smile when you scream at my face....

Tim...some people said that we are crazy, cos we has a strange friendship...
we love to bullying each other but we also very love each other
we yelling and scream each other while we arguing,but it never made us hate each other....

Tim...If we have a bit longer time to be together, I guess I could fall in love with you...( of course if you do really love girl :) )cos you are the only man who could understand me, you act as a brother that i never had, you act as a lover who never breaking my heart and you are the very best friend that I ever had in my live.....

Tim....wish you are here right now, I want to tell what I'm feeling now...I want to share everything I have with you like we always do....

Aaah Tim, but all I wrote are only my dreams...You'll never be back with me anymore...
Sleeping tight my dearest A**H**E
say Hi to the creator and tell him that we want to be together someday, in a forever live....


Rest in peace Tim Adams
I love you somuch

The Secret

Mama, I love you....I love you so much mama....You are a murder...Murder...Murder...
Noooooo...I don't killed you...I never mean it....I even never know that I have you.....Stop...Stop calling me the murder cos I'm not...Stooop.....
Babe...babe...wake up...you dream again...Suddenly Hans voice woke me up from the very bad dream I always get almost every night...
Hans bring a glass of water and asking me to drink it...Now,take a breathe and relax, Hans says...Be calm....It only dream...relax...
Hans...it happen again..I'm scared...what should I do ? I starting crying....
sssttttttttt....be calm baby...don't cry...come,let me hug you...Hans take my head on his arm and hugging me...
I'm so lucky to have husband like Hans, he always be patient to face me......


Mama...Mama ....Mmmmmuuuaaaah....I felt small and wet lips kissed all over my face, I opened my eyes and I could see the very nice smile...Mama...said Lara...
Hi gorgeous, you wake up already ? i ask her while i kiss her...
Ya, answer Hans...I put her on our bed cos she start nagging asked her milk....
Ooooh, why you don't wake me up ?
I can handle it, baby...and I see you sleep so tight...I don't want to bother you...says Hans,while he kiss me
Ooooh...Thanks baby...
you deserve it honey...says Hans again....
Well...ready for breakfast ? ask Hans..
I'll dress first and then I'll go down stairs after...answer me...
well...ok,Lara and I gonna waiting you down stairs...Let's go young lady we go breakfast...Hans leaving to go down stairs and take Lara....


I get out from bed and go to the bath room, I open the water pipe and I start to brush my teeth, wash my face and I dry it...
I was look in to the mirror to see if it already fine with my face,but again...I was looking somebody else...She's not me....The women in the mirror is not me....
I saw somebody else...The murder...Yaa...she's the murder....I hate her...I reach the glass and I immediately throw in to the mirror....I cry and I scream....

"Honey...Sweety....what's wrong ?" Ask Hans while he run to see what happen with me.....
"Aaaaah...Not again" He stare at me....
"I'm sorry babe, I didn't mean it...really...I just...I just..." I try to explain but then I could say nothing....
"just what ?....just hate to see the women in the mirror ?" ask Hans...
"enough baby...it just enough....please...!!!"
"listen, everything in your past,it wasn't your fault...everybody know that you are the very best mother and you are not a killer....you understand ?!? " Hans said with a bit anger...."Lara and I waiting you down stairs" said Hans again and leave me...
I can understand if he angry cos it already 3 years since we've married, I do something that people said strange...Lucky that Hans never leave me, I can't imagine if he is somebody else, I'm sure our marriage will be over even in the first day...But Hans so patient and tolerant to face me...he support me with a lot love that he has...

I clean all the broken mirror and hurry to dress,cos I don't want Hans and Lara waiting me too long...
It is so quite breakfast...Only Lara who has a voice,she eat and talking and sometimes she sing her favorite song...But Hans and I were just quite...I see he still angry for what I've done...until...
"Babe...Listen...it been almost 7 years and it already 3 years...I just get a little bit fade up with everything you've done....Now,it the time to finish it...Tell him...Tell what you already pass...He deserve to know the truth and you deserve to be happy..." Hans starting to speak....
"please babe...not now...I don't want to discuss about it anymore" answer me...
"oooooh come on...Nanin....when it the time ? you always said not now...and when it is ?
I do really fade up...shall I email him and tell what happen ? shall I do it myself ?" Hans start to raising his voice...
"Hans...Lara" I try to stop him and warn him cos our baby around us and it not nice for me to see that our baby saw that her parents arguing....
"well...I go office now...just thinking what I said,if you do really care about our family" says Hans while he kiss Lara..."papa loves you"says him again...
"remember..your past is with him,but now and the future is ours"
He leave with anger..no kiss good bye just like he do as always...he was too angry....and I just silent....

I was put Lara on her bed when I see the clock and it 7.30pm and Hans haven't back yet from the office...He even not call me if he gonna home late...Dinner already served but then it cold again....Hans never did it...how busy he is,he always call me if he gonna home late...
I try to call him but his phone is off...
I started to get worried, but I try to throw away all the anxiety....Maybe the battery finished and Hans has a meeting with his client...So better I wait...

I take a cup of coffee and sit on the couch to relaxed my self while I wait Hans....Chet Baker never tired to sing his song..."my funny valentine ...sweet funny valentine" I smile when I hear that song...I remember the first time Hans sing for me and on that time he also asked me to marry him....never forget that moment....

"time after time, I tell my self that I so lucky to be loving you"......Chet Baker starting to sing new song....my mind immediately back to the past...the past that I really want to erase from my mind....the past is always haunting me... the time when the suffering get started and the past is always good to make Hans and I have big argument....The past when the big secret started and never know when it gonna be over....

I'M SORRY....BUT,I'M SO PROUD....

They never know how to use knife and fork to cut a delicious and expensive steak on their plate. but they really know how to use their hands to always helped other people...
They can't speak in 5 different languages, but they know how to make a words...So,no one will get hurts because of their words...
They doesn't have any luxurious pant house, but they always has a place for me to back and feel so safe....
They are not rich and they has nothing, but they has a very big heart to always patient....
They are the people who teach me how to walk...they are the people who growing me up...
They are the people who never leave me even if I'm bad....
They never purchase who much money they already spend for me....
They are the people who never asking anything to me...
The one they really want it is only my happiness...They never stop to asking the creator to give me the happiness... Throw away the sorrow....
They are the people who always love me, and accept me what ever I'm....

Mum and Dad...Thanks for being with me...Thanks for supporting me in all situation  I already passed...
I can't stand without you...
So sorry for being bad sometimes, but you have to know the fact that I'm so proud to be your daughter...
I love you.....




Nanin